It’s most likely not hyperbole to say that what we are facing right now with COVID-19 is something that none of us will ever forget. Maybe – especially – those of us with kids at home.
I’m not going to weigh in here on the financial, economical, or health issues of this. I’ll freely admit that I don’t know a lot of those answers, and won’t pretend that I do.
What I do know is that this disaster, this threat, this virus that has taken the world hostage can be not just be a teacher, but can also be an opportunity.
If we let it.
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Chances are better than not that schools will remain closed the rest of this school year. But even if they don’t, it’s going to be at an absolute minimum of a few more weeks. And as the quote above from Kelly’s Treehouse said, our children probably aren’t going to remember the specifics of COVID-19. What they will remember is how their family felt during the panic. What their family did, or didn’t do. How their families reacted, or didn’t react.
And let me address one thing before I go any further. Those of us working from home with school age children – it is insanely challenging. There’s no sugar coating that. We have a 10, 7, 5 and 2 year old at home right now. It’s pandemonium at times, and we’re not any longer into this than a normal Christmas break. (Personal secret: sometimes I write these posts as a reminder and a challenge to myself more so than to anyone else, so please don’t think that I and my wife are doing these things perfectly.)
I said this on Twitter, but I’ll say it again. We as parents have (perhaps) a once in a lifetime opportunity right now with all this extra time with our kids. And my bet is that they are going to remember it the rest of their lives. How do we want to influence those memories of theirs?
By being snippy?
Impatient?
Short?
Annoyed that our kids are around more?
By showing fear and selfishness in uncertain times?
Or will we choose this opportunity to model resilience, calmness, faith, care, patience, and love?
It seems paradoxical, but it’s actually possible to be scared and remain calm at the same time.
Our kids are looking at us (they always are – but now more so by volume than other times). They will pick up the words, actions, and feelings that we project.
Again, I don’t want to pretend this is easy. Or that there’s a magical formula of a schedule, chore list, and behavior clip chart that solves everything. There’s not. But here are some thoughts on how to perhaps add some intentionality to help shape this opportunity.
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Schedules
Kids thrive on schedules. It’s what they’re used to at school, and so when the schedules disappear it can create confusion in their minds and potential behavior issues. So I’d encourage you to explore setting some type of schedule – just realize it’s not going to fix everything. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy like an Excel sheet with rotating block periods or anything like that – write it out in markers on a blank piece of paper and tape it to the wall if that works. But give them some level of expectation of what the day is going to be like. Include meals, chores, screen time, outside time, bedtime, or some type of craft.
Limit Screens
We’re super guilty here. Our kids are screen-obsessed, and if I’m honest they’re probably on them more than they should be. This is a super easy default babysitter – put a screen in front of the kids and you can have some peace and quiet (until an app crashes). Try and limit this, and make it a reward if they follow through on instructions, chores, or whatever else is on the agenda.
Go Outside
So far with the federal and local regulations, we’re still allowed to go outside. I don’t know your personal situation of if you have a yard or an easily accessible park nearby, but get the kids outside. Go on a walk as a family. Make forts. Play tag. Explore the woods.
Get Creative
I don’t know how long schools are going to be closed, or at what point they’ll start sending activities/homework for our kids to stay mentally sharp, but we can’t rely on the schools for this. Children have amazing imaginations, and we need to continually challenge them. My wife recently found this 30 day LEGO challenge that our kids are going to work though. There are hosts of other websites that offer free craft ideas and other creative outlets.
Continue to Read
Keep them reading, whatever reading level they are on. Hopefully there are books already in your home that are age appropriate for their different abilities, but if not go find some online. Reading skills can regress quickly if not kept up, so make sure in the midst of all the new time at home that our kids keep either reading themselves or being read to by us (or an older sibling).
Create New Family Habits
Board games. Charades. Family movie night. Walks together. Prayer time. These, above anything else I mentioned, I think are the greatest opportunity we have right now. I believe when our kids look back at this time – and they WILL look back when we recover from all of this – these are going to be what they remember most. Think about what family memories you have of growing up that are meaningful, and use this new time to start doing them or other ideas.
Be Mindful of Our Words
One area I really don’t have a great grasp on right now how much to disclose to our kids. Our older two certainly have more knowledge of what’s going on than our younger two, but we should be careful what we say around them regardless of age. I’m not advocating complete sheltering and ignorance, but be mindful when we use really scary words to them like “death” and “quarantine” and “lock down.” I think it’s super important to be talking about these things, no doubt – with each other. I just think we need to exercise prudence with how much we discuss with the youngest of our kids. They obviously know something is going on, and you can use your own parental discretion in talking about how much detail – just be mindful that they’re going to latch onto certain words they might not entirely comprehend.
Help Your Partner
Again, I don’t know your personal situation. But if one (or both) of the spouses are now working from home or just forced to be at home, help each other out. If one is taking the primary weight of kid duty, give them a break. An indefinite summer break has been sprung on us without the ability for most of us to spend it all outside, or with large groups of friends and playmates. It can be exhausting. Create your own modified work schedule with breaks within it to give some assistance, and allow your spouse to disappear for a bit for some personal time alone to recover.
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I’m not trying to downplay the severity of what’s going on. I’m just trying to look at it from an opportunistic view point. How many of us when asked what we want more of in life, answer more time with our kids? Well, here we have ample opportunity. Let’s be smart and intentional with the time right now.
More reading:
Justin Castelli – The Gift of Time