A friend of mine, Garret, introduced this idea to me a few years ago. The Red Cross operates two massive hospital ships – former oil tankers that are deployed to areas of high emergency needs. These ships do amazing work around the world, battling the wind and waves of the ocean, providing medical care, restoring families and communities.
And to do that, they need to on occasion come into harbor and anchor down – to receive maintenance, repairs, supplies, and fuel. Then they head back out to sea. If they are out at sea too long, neglecting the maintenance, things break. Overly deferred care ends up requiring more time and more funds to get them back and running, which lead to missed opportunities and more dollars spent.
The same can be said for us humans. We have noble causes – parenting children, leading in business, building communities. We create. We nourish. We expand. If we don’t properly maintain ourselves, we can burn out, just like those ships.
We also have unique gift sets and abilities, unique goals and aspirations, unique amounts of wealth and influence. And if we grind too hard for too long without taking a break, we will lose our ability to live those things out the way that we’re supposed to.
There’s lots of things we can do to maintain – getting better sleep, eating healthier, practicing meditation. I want to suggest something that’s helped me a lot in recent years: solitude retreats.
These sound monk-like, but they don’t have to be. They’re simply designated (and protected!) times to schedule a time for you to get alone with your thoughts without distraction. A mentor challenged me to do this for several years before I actually did it, and now they’re a systematic part of my schedule.
The exact recipe of what works best for you might be different, but I want to share what’s worked for me. Take the below ingredients and modify, add, or subtract them. Make it work for you.
Do it.
The first point is the hardest – actually scheduling and protecting the time. I do it 6 times a year, others do it quarterly or even monthly. Schedule it in advance and protect it on your calendar. Commit to 3 hours at first, and build up from there. For me, doing it in the morning seems to work best because my mind is less active with any work-related activities.
Side point: this might seem selfish, especially if you have a family. If you’re not working, then it might seem selfish to NOT spend that time with your spouse or kiddos. But taking this “me” time will end up actually bettering your family relationships because you’ll be refreshed.
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Find a place.
Some people like doing these in a coffee shop, or a museum. And that’s awesome. For me, I love being outside. So I have a favorite park near two rivers that I go to. Something about nature and water is both stimulating and calming to me.
Pack limited supplies.
Be selective in only bringing things that’ll allow you to focus. For me, this includes my journal, a Bible, Fident’s Vision/Traction Organizer, and a printed version of my personal annual goals. I also bring a few snacks and plenty of water. And maybe a book I’m working through or want to reference back to, but not typically.
Do not disturb.
I bring my phone because I end up using the Calm app for some timed meditation, but I place it in Airplane mode so I don’t receive – or am tempted to check – email, social media, or any other distraction.
And this leads to the 2nd hardest part …
Be silent.
Silence is not something that is easy in our world. Silence is really, really hard. Once I find my spot, I fire up the Calm app and set a 30 minute session (the free version has some voice guided options which I suggest to use starting out).
Quiet your mind. Again: this. is. hard. Like – really, really hard. Your mind will be screaming at all the things you SHOULD be doing right now. Acknowledge the thought, and then try to gently push it out of mind. If you feel like it’d help, write it down so your brain relaxes and stops fretting that you’ll forget about it later. I’ve even created a “brain dump” list to help my brain to stop worrying.
A lot of people bail here. I did on more than one occasion. But keep at it. Really try and be quiet and to simply notice. Don’t create an agenda of thoughts – just try and get your brain to stop running so hard for a moment.
Write stuff.
You might not consider yourself a journaler, and that’s ok. But give this a try. Write some stuff out that’s still on your mind after spending those 30 minutes in concentrated silence.
Maybe it’s a project coming up.
Maybe it’s a problem at home.
Maybe it’s a relationship.
Maybe it’s a stress related issue at work.
Maybe it’s a huge life-altering decision.
Maybe it’s thinking about your goals, or your Values – what’s really important to you.
Maybe it’s thinking this exercise is completely pointless.
Get it on paper. Write bullet points or thought bubbles or a short story on it.
Walk around.
At this point, usually I go for a hike. Something about physical activity re-stimulates me. I’ll roll those written thoughts around in my head, pack things up, and just walk. Noticing, thinking, dreaming, walking. Sometimes I do this for 15 minutes. Sometimes I do this for 2 hours. I kind of take the restraints off my mind and think about any of the issues I just wrote down. Not feeling a sense to solve any of them right away, just thinking about them.
Sit back down.
Whenever it makes sense, I sit back down. At my favorite spot, I start the day at a smaller river, hike to where it feeds into a much larger river, and sit back down somewhere near there. I’m sure there’s some analogy of my own small thoughts leading to a much larger series of bigger thoughts by doing this, but this just works for me.
Sit and write out anything else still on your mind from the walking time. This changes each time for me – one time it was a pro/con list of leaving my old firm to launch Fident, another it was the commitment to launching a weekly letter to clients, and another it was setting up a pay system for our kids, another it was ways I can stop comparing myself detrimentally to others. And the most recent time was the decision to create Calibrating Capital.
It also might be of value to spend some time thinking about your own current issues or problems. Are they legit? Are they temporary? Are they superficial, or are they something that really needs addressed? What personal Values am I personally NOT living out right now?
Pack up.
Whenever your time is drawing to a close, pack things up. Write any last thoughts on your mind down. Maybe go back and circle something noteworthy. Then head back.
Debrief.
This is a new element I’ve started tinkering around with. After I get back from the retreat, I have an Evernote Notion page that records the date, place and time of each retreat. And then I write one or two sentences on the experience.
“I think I want to do… ” or
“This really worked…” or
“Next time I want to do this..” or
“I’m going to stop/start doing this…”
“I’ve made a lot of progress here…”
Get a quick summary of something you want to take action on or look back on down the road.
…
There’s nothing magical about this above formula – it’s simply what works for me. And maybe it works for you. But my encouragement is to try it – commit one 3 hour session and see what happens. It took me years of encouragement from a mentor for me to finally do it, and now it’s an integral part of my life. It’s one way I try and personally measure if my own Values are being lived out in my life.
Some of the times I realize a big life change.
Most of the times I come back with a new or modified idea.
Every single time I come back refreshed.
Bring yourself into harbor. Anchor down. Rest, reflect, and restore. And then head back out to sea refreshed.