In my last post, I talked about the delicate balance of living in Today while planning for Tomorrow, which certainly seemed to resonate with a lot of people. At the end, I called out myself and my profession:
“The financial advice-giving industry borderline obsesses over planning for Tomorrow. But Tomorrowland can be a dangerous place to spend all your time, energy, and money if you’re neglecting Today.”
And now I am going to talk about a case study in a specific example of trying to live in Today. And the case study is me.
I have hesitancy in doing this. Chiefly because I know that I don’t do this consistently well – and I don’t want this to be interpreted as me boasting. I struggle in this tension along with many others.
But.
I do want this to perhaps nudge someone else into taking a step or two in better managing that tension of Today vs Tomorrow.
The picture above was taken earlier this week on a tri-generational boating-camping trip with two of my sons (ages 7 and 5) along with my own dad. It was short – we left our house Monday morning, drove 45 minutes or so to the boat put in, were on the campsite and setup probably around lunchtime, and we were back for Tuesday dinner. And full truth be told – my dad was the one who initiated the trip months ago.
It was during the work week, so even though I didn’t have to ask any boss for time off, I still had to manage my calendar and workflow to accommodate it. I worked hard Friday to get things a bit more manageable, and got up earlier Monday to finish a few things before unplugging.
The trip itself was amazing – the perfect combination of swimming, cliff jumping, rope swinging, boating, camping, and fishing. I got to see my boys have a blast, spend time with my own dad, and see him love and build relationship with his grandsons. It’s a sweet age where my sons are old enough to do this stuff, and my dad’s young enough to still be up for these adventures. We made a ton of memories, and it’ll be one of my personal life’s highlights of this year.
Perfect. I do, however, want to mention two things that happened during the trip that really affirmed (1) how hard it is to live in Today and (2) how necessary it is to live in Today.
…
It’s hard
From the time we got to the put-in, I had pretty much zero cell phone coverage. Randomly my phone would connect, and would download a boatload of data. I mistakenly rummaged through them, and saw a request from a relatively prominent media host asking me to come on a podcast to talk about my post on Today vs Tomorrowland. Ecstatic, I proceeded to spend 30 minutes hiking all over the island we were on trying to find reception to return the message.
It was only after this half hour of me, the prototypical dude walking aimlessly around with his phone in his hand pointed towards the sky while stumbling over things, that I realized the blunt force irony at play. Here I was, on a trip trying to live in Today, ignoring Today, trying to respond to a message of how to live in Today. Brutal. I cued up a message, sent it without reception, and just hoped my phone would eventually find coverage at some point to deliver it. But I completely botched a half hour of a trip.
Getting to the point with ourselves of intentionally doing things to live in Today is hard – but remaining in Today, however momentarily, may even be harder. I feel I lost some of the magic of living in Today in that brief, yet very real, search for coverage.
It’s necessary
As we were loading up the boat on the ramp, another boat was pulling up, in one of those speciality bass boats that I’m sure costs a small fortune. Decked out in top of the line fisherman gear, I immediately assumed these guys (1) knew what they were doing, (2) must have done relatively well financially, and (3) spend their time in retirement on the water a lot.
My boys proceed to ask how many fish they caught (40 fish in 4 hours) and we had some small chat, and then, with them being much more efficient than us, they loaded up and pulled out of the water while we finished loading our boat up.
Later in the parking lot, as I was getting the boys situated in the van to head home, the older gentleman from the bass boat approached us. He patted me on the shoulder, and popped his head in the van to address the boys.
“How many fish did you boys catch? Oh really? That’s great – good for you! I just wanted to stop over and let you know how special it is that your Daddy takes time like this for these trips. You’ve got a good Dad, make sure he knows it!”
Somewhat baffled, I awkwardly responded that I’m just glad my own dad knows what he’s doing so we can actually take trips like these, at which point the guy gently grabbed my shoulders, and said softly so only I could hear:
“Keep doing this. I wish I would have taken the time to do this with my son at this stage. Keep it up, Dad.”
I don’t have the slightest clue on this guy’s history and his relationship with his kids, and won’t presume that I do. But part of me wonders if there are some regrets he has of missing out on some of the Todays. Maybe not, but I don’t know why he otherwise would have walked over and said to us what he did.
…
Again, my point isn’t to humble-brag here. My point is to encourage and challenge each of us to find ways to better live in Today. Again – yes, we need to also plan for Tomorrow. But in the circles I find myself in, we mostly already do this relatively well. My life stage along with a lot of my friends is crazy – creating, running, managing businesses, raising children, loving our wives. There’s no shortage of things that need attended to. It’s easy to go on cruise control and just try not to crash. However, we really do need to take the time and energy to live life fully during these days and years.
Maybe going camping isn’t your way of living in Today. Maybe it’s exploring museums, or visiting cities, or like my friend Justin, taking his boys out to breakfast every Friday morning. Find something that brings joy and slowness into the present moment. And commit to doing it. It’s hard – it really is. But as the gentleman bass-fisherman reminded me, it’s necessary.