I’d like to take a minute and address why I stopped writing in the second half of 2020, mostly because I think it has larger principle at play in life. My specific case may or may not resonate with everyone, but it brought something to mind that I think is valuable for most people to think through.
Why do we do what we do?
I mean this in every imaginable scenario.
Why do we invest money?
Why do we spend time on Twitter?
Why do we work?
Why do we buy what we buy?
Why do we watch TV, read a book, exercise, fast, gorge, or diet?
Why do we write, produce, create, and distribute content?
And if we can answer these questions, then I think we should go one level deeper and ask “Is that really true? Or is there a false narrative I should be aware of?“
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Most people are familiar with Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why” which I think is a fantastic framework to begin with, for businesses as well as for individuals.
However, I think once we know that Why, we should keep digging and see if it’s really true.
I don’t think many people would verbally admit they work the hours they work because they want to have a bigger house than their neighbor, and I don’t think many people would verbally admit they exercise because they want to be able to boast on Instagram about doing so. I think these reasons actually do exist, but aren’t addressed.
So, let me share an example in my own life – this very website.
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When I launched CalibratingCapital, I was talking with my friend Taylor Shulte about it – the layout, the content, the overall strategy.
He had a very poignant question – “What are you trying to accomplish?”
My answer was nuanced – but initially it was to have another public avenue of attracting clients to my firm, while also perhaps sharing some of my thoughts to a wider community that I’d probably never earn any revenue off of.
Taylor pushed me on that, and said if I didn’t know with precision what I was trying to accomplish, that it’d be difficult, if not impossible, to measure if the strategies were working. And as such, I should probably get specific on what I was trying to do. Fair point.
So fast forward a bit, and as my family is personally getting closer to having Enough, I get less concerned with actually converting readers to clients and instead just sharing ideas in public.
If you would have asked me Why I was writing at that point, I would have quickly answered “Because I want to help people challenge how they view money in their lives” or “I want to help people align their values with their money.”
Now – those answers would have been true.
To an extent.
But there was a subtle yet deeper Why hiding under the surface. In fact, it was so subtle it would masquerade as something virtuous without me even knowing for awhile.
That deeper Why was this: I liked the attention.
I liked the dopamine of watching shares and likes and page views and seeing my work in other newsletters. And even after I realized this, I dismissed it – “I’m still doing good work – I’m attempting to insert my opinion into the world for the potential betterment of others.”
But after struggling with this for a few months my brain started to wrap itself up in a knot as I couldn’t really comprehend how these two different Whys could exist at the same time. So I stopped writing, and even hopped off my remaining social media outlet, Twitter.
I couldn’t truthfully say the only reason I was pushing content was to truly change people’s view of money.
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I haven’t fully killed this dopamine addiction, by a long shot. But over the past few months specifically, I did at least become more comfortable with the coexistence of two competing Whys in this specific area of my life. I can still write and push content here, with the healthy intention of helping people reframe how they think about money in their lives. But I need to be aware of its competing Why – the dopamine and attention.
Maybe it’s helpful to put a title on these two drivers: the Noble Why and the Nefarious Why.
My hope and goal is to be able to fulfill the Noble Why, while attempting to acknowledge yet ignore the presence of the Nefarious Why.
And as I came to this realization, I also began connecting how competing Whys drive decisions in so many other areas of my life, and the lives of other – in money, in relationships, in our habits and goals and ambitions and accomplishments.
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The reason I wanted to put these words out into the world, giving an awkwardly transparent peek into my own heart along the way, is because I think there’s a larger principle at play here, a principle that can be applied to how we examine the Whys in how we spend our money, time, and energy.
A few potential examples.
Why do we work the hours that we work in our job?
Noble Why – to provide for our families
Nefarious Why – because we find an unhealthy identity in our job
Why do we post content on social media?
Noble Why – to keep up with friends
Nefarious Why – because we like the dopamine
Why do we exercise?
Noble Why – to be healthy and increase energy
Nefarious Why – because we want others to think highly of us
Why do we buy the cars we buy?
Noble Why – to transport us and our family safely and/or efficiently
Nefarious Why – because we want to showoff a certain lifestyle
Why do we take the vacations we take?
Noble Why – to give our family an experience and to relax
Nefarious Why – because our neighbors/digital friends do
Why do we make the charitable contributions that we make?
Noble Why – to positively impact the world
Nefarious Why – because we want the recognition
Why do we push our kids to do sports and activities?
Noble Why – to develop character and life skills
Nefarious Why – because we want to live vicariously through them
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As I said in my own example, I think it’s possible to still do good work even with the existence of the Nefarious Why. However, we need to ensure that the Noble Why is the one in the driver’s seat, and the Nefarious is in the backseat – or even the trunk. If the main Why for exercising is to get healthy or build self control – amazing. The Nefarious Why might still be there, but as long as it’s not the driving Why, exercise away.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said that “The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
Maybe there’s a parallel here with the competing Whys. “The test of first-rate self-awareness is the ability to recognize two competing Whys and still retain the ability to function.”
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That said, I think there are also times that the Noble Why is a completely fabricated reason only brought into our consciousness as a clever disguise created by the Nefarious Why.
We say we work so hard because we want to provide for our families – but maybe the actual truth is that we don’t know who we are detached from our job.
We say we write content to help change people’s view of money – but maybe the actual truth is we just like the attention.
We say we need to keep accumulating money because we want to ensure financial freedom – but maybe the truth is we attach an unhealthy amount of our self-worth to our net-worth.
And so on, and so on.
This is the danger zone, and I think it’s the place where people (myself as an example) can get really tripped up and lose perspective of the reasons Why we do certain things.
It might not be possible to entirely destroy or banish the Nefarious Why, but I do think it’s possible to simply acknowledge its presence and largely ignore it.
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One last extreme example.
A guilty pleasure of mine is the series Breaking Bad. Aside from the brilliance of the show’s character development, the evolution of Walter White is endlessly fascinating to me. Sure, manufacturing and selling meth wouldn’t pass many people’s litmus test of being ethical, but his initial and stated reason for wanting to do it was because he was going to die of cancer, and he wanted to provide for his wife and his son before he was gone. That was his Noble Why. Nothing wrong with that, right? But it doesn’t take long for his Nefarious Why to takeover, which is dominated by pride, ego, and greed. I think – even at the end – both Whys existed to some extent, but it was clear which one was driving White’s life at that point.
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If it’s not obvious, I’m not downplaying any of the above examples, outside of meth. Work, social media (well, maybe social media), exercise, purchases, vacations, and charitable giving are all good things. I just think we need to make sure the Whys behind them are identified, verified, and acknowledged for each of us.
Once that’s done, then if we’re
creating content – go forth and create.
getting ourselves in shape – get after it.
working hard at our jobs – keep it up.
taking that vacation – make all the memories in the world.
buying that new car – go enjoy it.
Just make sure we know the [true] reasons Why.